Do you know the optimal love language for your children or even your spouse?
We’re going to walk you through the 5 most popular love languages for children and for your significant other.
When you understand the love language, parenting and relationships become much easier.
This was just one of the final three words from Holly Anderson’s INVEST NOW acronym, with N standing for Nourish.
By learning your child (or partner’s) love language, you’ll be able to ensure he or she feels nourished.
What are the love languages, and how can you identify your spouse’s or child’s primary love language?
Here are the 5 Love Languages You Must Know
Words of Affirmation
One way to express love is verbally, through words that build people up.
Verbal compliments, or words of affirmation, are best expressed in simple statements:
“I see how hard you’ve been working… great job!”
“I love watching you perform/compete.”
“You look beautiful/handsome!”
“You can always make me laugh.”
William James, American psychologist and philosopher said: “The deepest principle of human nature is a craving to be appreciated.” Words of affirmation will meet that need for many people.
Gary Chapman explains, “It is true that all children—and adults—want to have more and more. But those whose language of love is receiving gifts will respond differently when they get their gift. Remember, for them, this is love’s loudest voice. They see the gift as an extension of you and your love.”
Quality time means giving someone your undivided attention. This means turning off Netflix or putting down your phone if you’re having a conversation.
If your child or spouse’s love language is quality time, it’s important to set aside time where you’re not distracted to spend with that person.
Want to start having “dates” with your child? Here are 25 ideas for spending one-on-one time with your child to give you a few ideas of what you can do.
I would like to preface this love language by saying that this isn’t referring to the practice of showering your kids with presents so you don’t have to actually be present.
Your kids still need you to show up for them.
In this case, a gift is just something physical that tells your child or spouse, “he/she was thinking of me.”
It doesn’t have to be expensive, or even cost money at all, for that matter.
The point is that you thought of your child or spouse and gave them something physical as an expression of love.
Acts of Service
This love language is expressed by a willingness to help out and do things for your child or spouse.
For a spouse, this could mean jumping and folding laundry or cleaning the kitchen. For a child, it could mean fixing a bike or repairing a torn dress.
Gary Chapman explains that when your child asks for help with these things, “he or she does not merely want to get a task done; your child is crying for emotional love.”
“If your child’s primary love language is acts of service, this does not mean that you must jump at every request. It does mean that you should be extremely sensitive to those requests and recognize that your response will either help fill the child’s love tank or else puncture the tank.”
The last love language is physical touch.
For children or spouses who have physical touch as their primary love language, touch will communicate love more deeply than fixing a bike, giving a gift, or even saying, “I love you.”
Things like hugs, kisses, pats on the back, or even squeezing a shoulder are simple expressions of love that can keep your child or spouse feeling nurtured.
Final Thoughts on Love Languages for Children
By identifying your child’s (or spouse’s) primary love language, you can create an unconditional loving bond by using actions and words which they “get.”
The five love languages are:
- Words of Affirmation
- Physical Touch
- Acts of Service
- Quality Time
- Receiving Gifts
If you have young children, pay attention to the ways they express love for you (they are likely expressing their own love using their own love language). If your child is a teen or pre-teen, have them take the Love Languages Quiz for Children so that you can positively identify their love language.
By communicating with them through their love language, you’ll increase the bond with your child and be able to better nurture them and your relationship with them.