It’s not easy having conversations with people who hate me, but let’s be real, we’ve all had to deal with this at one time or another.
Easy to deal with?
Yet it’s something we should all be prepared for, versus running from it or letting it eat us up inside.
I was reading a quick, but awesome post by Entrepreneur contributor Deep Patel titled: “11 Ways Successful People Deal With People They Don’t Like”
Now as I was reading this, I was also at a National Championship event for 50,000+ cheerleaders and continually heard all weekend conversations between girls about people they feel “hate them.”
Hate is such a powerful word, right?
But it did get me thinking that from time to time we all probably experience moments where we’ve felt this. Maybe we’re having conversations with friends and someone else joins in who we don’t particularly get along with or we just have a weird feeling about.
What do we do?
Let’s go over a few ways to have those conversations so we can pass this on to our Tweens and Teens, to make their life a bit easier.
5 Ways How To Have Conversations With People Who Hate Me
Don’t take it Personally
You never know what’s going on in someone’s life. They could have gotten in a fight with a parent or spouse that morning. They could have lost a job or found out a family member was sick.
Or maybe they just found out they got a bad grade on a test and they’re dreading facing their parents when they get home.
The point is, sometimes people say things that are harsh or come across as a jerk when the reality is, it’s not about the person they’re speaking with at all.
As Deep Patel points out, “Remember that every situation involves both the person you are communicating with and the issue you are discussing. Concentrate on the issue, not the person.”
Be Calm, Express your Feelings
Oftentimes how we communicate a problem can lead to even more, and possibly bigger, problems.
On the other hand, if you can address issues using non-accusatory language, you’ll be more successful in finding a resolution, since the person you’re talking to is far less likely to become defensive.
It may feel a little awkward, but one formula that DOES work is: “When you _____, I feel _____. Please do this instead: _______.”
While it may feel odd to phrase it that way, you’ll find that it can be extremely effective. Remember it’s often not what we say, but how we say it that makes all the difference.
Pick your Battles
This is something that will come into play in probably every relationship, whether it’s with a spouse, a child, a sibling, a friend, or a co-worker.
Ask yourself, “Is this problem really worth my time and energy?”
Is the benefit worth the challenge? Do you have more to lose than to gain by fighting this battle? Is it possible that the issue will go away on its own with time?
These are all questions to ask yourself before you decide to engage.
Learn how to Disarm a JERK
If you find yourself in a situation where someone is being overly critical, or just a jerk, avoid the temptation to become defensive or get angry. Instead, figure out a way that you can flip the script on them.
If they’re being critical of your school work, for example, have them get specific and tell you exactly what their criticism is. Try to get them to give you constructive feedback (and in doing so, put the spotlight all on them).
Or, if they’re just being a jerk, in general, follow the Golden Rule and treat others as would want them to treat you. In other words, choose not to be upset but just allow the words to roll right off your back.
Check out this short but powerful video to see this in action.
Your Happiness is in your Hands
Ultimately, your happiness is in your hands.
Yes, I know it’s easier said than done, but if you let everyone and everything else dictate your happiness, then finding happiness is going to be a daily struggle.
Your self-worth must come from within.
And when it does, you’ll find that you’re not only happier, but you’re also less fearful of taking risks, more confident, and in the long run, a whole lot more successful.
Conclusion: How To Have Conversations With People Who Hate Me
“She hates me.”
Okay. So what?
It may sound cruel but we need to remember that we are not going to be everyone’s cup of tea.
The best advice I was ever given was that someone else’s opinion of me was none of my business. And that person was right!
However, there are times when we have to deal with someone who rubs us the wrong way (or who is just a jerk, in general). And when that happens, there are a few ways you can better deal with the situation:
- No matter how they meant it, don’t take it personally
- Calmly express your feelings
- Pick your battles
- Learn how to disarm a jerk
- Your happiness is in your hands
What advice would you give your child if they had to deal with someone who didn’t like them, or with whom they just couldn’t get along? Leave us a comment below or jump back into our parents-only Facebook Group.